I Celebrate My Son

Mandy Cook
Evangelical UCC, Marysville, KS

At the end of the movie The Prom, a 2020 straight-to-Netflix release, the antagonist, played by Kerry Washington, says to her newly-out daughter about her sexuality, “I just don’t want you to have a hard life.”

To Kerry (or more specifically, her character Mrs. Greene): I’m with you.

One.
Hundred.
Percent.

When my youngest kiddo came out as transgender to my husband and me, I worried. I didn’t worry about myself, my husband, or my oldest son; I worried about my child. Even though his immediate family was accepting, that didn’t stop me from worrying about all the people who might not accept him. It didn’t stop me from worrying about what his life was going to be like; all I could see were the huge hurdles he was going to have to conquer.

Then I realized something. I can’t control the rest of the world, and I certainly can’t (and don’t want to) control how he identifies himself. It’s not up to me. I’d like to say that again. It’s not up to me. I am only here to support him, but I cannot tell him how he feels or who he should be.

You see, I am going to love my kiddo no matter what gender he identifies as, no matter what name he chooses, or no matter how he chooses to dress. I’m going to love him as much—or more—as his authentic self. And I need to wait for the rest of the world to realize it’s not up to them, either.

As Jesus said in Matthew, Chapter 22, “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” He didn’t say to love your neighbors who only looked like you or “love your neighbors (but not the ones who didn’t conform to gender norms.) I’d like to paraphrase what he said: “love ‘em all.” Given my experience, I’d say the UCC is especially well-positioned to love the ones who aren’t loved anywhere else.

I am asked so many questions about my son. I’d like to share them with you, in case you have any of those questions yourself.

What if it is just a phase? My answer: So, what if it is? I am still proud of him.

I think social media did this, and it really doesn’t mean anything. My answer: Social media is here to stay, and I’m going to listen to my son. I am proud of him.

Why does he choose to [dress like that] or [paint his nails] or [insert other action contrary to gender norms]? My answer: Why not? I am still proud of him.

I try to look at these questions not as offensive, but as confirmation that people are trying to learn. If they’re asking questions, I’m happy to answer them, especially if that means they’re thinking of my son as a human, as a person, no matter his gender or sexuality choices. I want to help them learn and become informed directly from someone who loves a person who has changed their outward personality to fit their true self, social “norms” be darned. I want to inform them as someone who has had first-hand experience of thinking and wondering about these exact questions themselves.

I celebrate the month of June as Pride month because I celebrate my son, who is finding his true self and is willing to speak out about it.

“I just don’t want you to have a hard life.” Although this line comes from someone who didn’t accept their child until the end of the movie, it moved me when I heard her say it. It was obvious to me—even though she was not accepting of her daughter when she came out, she eventually realized someone’s sexuality shouldn’t make a difference if you love them. In the end, she loved her child, no matter what. Isn’t that the goal of every parent?

I fiercely love my child.

And I am so proud of him, too.